What Is Self-Care, Really?

Self-care is the buzz word of 2018. It has become a trendy thing to take care of yourself, which is wonderful because it is promoting health and wellness for ourselves. And that is GREAT. But people are lacking the knowledge of what self-care really is. In fact, it is so vaguely defined that a lot of people don’t really have a solid grasp of what the heck it even means. It’s just that kind of wishy-washy word tossed around here and there.

Self-care is actually an important thing for our health and I hope that after reading this you might leave with a clearer understanding of what it means, why it’s so important, and how you can implement self-care into your life in a meaningful way.

The problem that I have with the popular perception of self-care is that it is almost entirely focusing on pampering yourself. The thing you see the most when people are discussing self-care is beauty related: it’s focusing on things that make people beautiful on the outside.

Getting our hair done, going for manicures, getting a spray tan, and doing eyebrow maintenance are all things that have been attributed to self-care.

And yes, doing things that make us look good can make us feel good in return, but beautifying ourselves is not exactly self-care’s sole purpose. In fact, self-care has nothing to do with making people look good on the outside.

It’s all about making people feel good on the inside.

And this can be a tough pill to swallow because for a lot of people, doing things that make us look good (and receiving the service of someone pampering us in some way to do this) does bring us joy. It does make us feel good! I love it, too, but that is only the itty bitty tip of the iceberg that is self-care.

Self-care is a vast and all-encompassing word. It’s about doing something nice for yourself (like a spa day, sure) but also about creating awareness and practices in your life that enriches you holistically: physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

PHYSICAL SELF-CARE

One aspect of self-care is taking care of our physical body. Being in tune with how our bodies feel when we are at our best is a goal to strive towards and implementing regular things to help with this is how we get there. Physical activity is major – especially if you work a desk job or another career where you do a lot of sitting. Staying physically active can help fight off disease, release endorphins in our brain that make us feel happy, and even works as a healthy coping mechanism to stress.

Physical self-care is where all that talk of bubble baths with bath bombs, massages and facials come in. There is a reason it is so popular in the self-care movement: all of these things trigger a relaxation response and help us de-stress.

You don’t need to be a marathon runner to be physically active: going for a simple walk is good enough. Find some sort of physical activity that you enjoy. Here are some examples: running, walking, yoga, dance, swimming, Frisbee, skating, archery, kayaking.  

Another part of physical self-care is listening to our body when it is showing you signs of wear.
Ways we can practice physical self-care: rest when you’re feeling worn down,  drink plenty of water throughout the day, create meals with a focus on heart healthy foods like colorful vegetables and healthy fats.

EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE

Our emotional state is often something that is pushed to the wayside of everyday life. Oftentimes, we find ourselves so busy that we forget how important it is to take a step back and check in with how we are feeling. And sometimes, facing our feelings can be a scary thing. Feelings have become stigmatized as a weakness over time, something that hinders our abilities to succeed. But our feelings and inner consciousness is what makes us us and it is so important that we are able to identify our feelings when they arise, understand which ones we feel more of, which ones we experience less of.

Emotional self-care is all about how we validate and nurture all of our feelings and emotions. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Am I able to identify what my emotions are when I feel them?
Am I able to connect what I am feeling with what is causing me to feel them?
Are there emotions that I shy away from and try not to feel?
Which emotions take precedent in my life and which do I experience less often?

These little questions might stir up a lot of soul searching and help you discover how in tune you really are with your emotions.

Practicing emotional self-care in our daily lives can be as easy as practicing some self-reflection for a few minutes at the end of each day or as big as seeing a therapist regularly.

Emotional Self-Care, Energies, and Self-Compassion

We want to be aware of what energy we are allowing into our lives and whether we are truly okay with being invested in all of it. For example, maybe you’re having a month where everyone seems to be coming to you for advice or to vent about the difficult things they are facing. While it is great that you’re a safe person for your friends to confide in, taking on their energy (particularly if it isn’t very positive) can take a toll on your own emotional well-being.

Don’t be afraid to ask for a break if you need it. Say no to invitations or conversations that you don’t feel you can take on. Always remember that you need to be well in order to help others.

This ties in to self-compassion, or being kind to ourselves. Start tuning in to the thoughts that you direct towards yourself, the way you think about yourself, speak about yourself, and treat yourself. Our goal here is to treat ourselves with the respect, compassion and love that you offer your friends and family.

Some ways that we can practice emotional self-care :
Reach out when you need to talk or explore something. This can be a friend, family member, counselor, any safe space.
Journal – if writing things out helps you, journaling is a great way to practice self-reflection.
Say no to things that drain your energy – it’s okay to put your emotional health first and take time to yourself when you need it.
Build your emotional intelligence – learn and develop an understanding of your emotions.

SOCIAL SELF-CARE

People need people. Even for those of us who are introverted, we need some sort of human connection and the people that we allow into our lives make a huge impact on our well-being. Being aware of the people that we let into our lives is a critical part of practicing social self-care.

Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Maintain friendships with the people who reciprocate the friendship and also consider you an important person in their lives. Have people in your life that share your interests and passions but also people that are different to yourself that will help you learn and grow.

Create healthy boundaries within your social circle. Now that you’ve reflected upon the people in your life that fill you up, perhaps you’ve also identified someone who leaves you feeling drained or empty. Try to discover why this is and begin to build healthy boundaries with that person. Maybe it’s cutting down on how often you spend time with them. Maybe it’s sticking to coffee dates so that your time together is meaningful but not over doing it. Maybe it’s realizing that it’s time to let go and move on. While this can be a difficult decision to make, something that helps me is my belief that everyone we meet comes into our life for a reason. Every relationship that we encounter – even briefly – is there for some purpose.

I strongly believe that each relationship is there to teach us something. Each love, each friend, each enemy, was in our lives when they were meant to be. We might have been there to help them, they might have been there to guide us, we might have had things to teach and learn from one another. Whether briefly or for a long time, I do believe that everyone is in our lives for a reason and sometimes, they are not meant to be there forever.

SPIRITUAL SELF-CARE

Spiritual does not have to equal religious. Religion and spirituality are both together and apart: you can be spiritual and religious but you can also be spiritual without identifying with a religion. For the sake of spiritual self-care, our definition of spirituality here is surrounding connection with our deeper self and connection to a deeper meaning.

Nurturing our spirituality is an important part of self-care. This practice of connecting with our inner self and our purpose is something that can drive us forward to living an ambitious, fulfilled life and reaching our greatest goals.

Ways you can practice spiritual self-care:
If you identify with a religious group, involve yourself in it. Attend your church, mosque, synagogue, etc. and participate in the groups or events that they host. Pray, as much or as little as what works for you.

Meditate and reflect. Meditation is a fantastic way to begin your journey of spirituality. It encourages you to be still and to reflect. If meditation is a new or scary thing to you, try out a simple 3 minute guided meditation and see what it’s like.

Go into nature. Many people find a sense of connection and peace when surrounded by nature. This is an easily accessible way to practice spiritual self-care. What do you have close by? Maybe you live near the mountains, miles of prairie fields, a river, a national park, the ocean, a lake, a grassy park, a botanical garden. Wherever you are, there is also nature. Find a place and take a walk, breathe in the fresh air, listen to the natural sounds, and see how it can lift your spirits.

In creating a spiritual self-care practice you are creating a ritual of sacredness that you can connect to and come back to as often as you need it.

Practicing self-care and incorporating it into our personal wellness practice is an essential part of living a well-balanced life. Implementing even one act of self-care for each area mentioned in this post can bring endless benefits. People have experienced decrease in stress and an increase in productivity and creativity. It can help your body maintain optimal health to prevent disease, can provide you with healthy coping mechanisms to handle difficult situations, and even strengthen your relationships.

What do you do to take care of yourself? Do you focus on each of the areas we talked about? Is there an area that you want to work on more?